Aside from being a multi-awarded musician and known drummer of the '90s Filipino pop rock band Introvoys, Paco Arespacochaga, who has been based in the US for more than a decade, is also now known as a podcast host and life coach. Paco was also formerly married to singer Geneva Cruz, but the couple split after five years. He currently resides in Los Angeles, California where he raised their son Heaven.
In his Facebook post last September 29, Paco shared his recent interaction with his son, who was currently abroad with friends. Heaven was also with his fiancee Adi, who he got engaged with last year.
“A few days ago, I texted my son Heaven and he did not reply. He is 30 years old now, so I figured he was probably busy with work and I left it alone. Two or three days passed and on what felt like a lazy Saturday, I finally decided to call him.
He picked up and said, ‘What’s up, Pops?’
I asked him if everything was okay and where he was.
He said, ‘I’m in France. Nice, France.’
Then he FaceTimed me.
He was there with his fiancée and a couple of friends. They had gone to attend a friend’s wedding and spend some time enjoying France together. They were laughing, having fun, just enjoying life. We talked for a while, laughed a little, and before we hung up he said, ‘I love you, Pops.’
After the call ended, I found myself crying.
My wife asked me why, and at first I really did not know how to explain it. Then it hit me. I had absolutely nothing to do with him being in France.
He did not call me asking for money for airfare. He did not ask for pocket money. He did not ask for help. He did not need to be rescued. He was simply there because he had built a life where he could go to a friend’s wedding, travel with the woman he loves, spend time with friends and enjoy himself.
That may not sound like much to some people, but for a parent, especially one who remembers where his child used to be, it means everything.”
Paco revealed that his son went through a difficult period in his life over a decade ago and he tried to provide a strong support system to Heaven as his father.
“Less than ten years ago, my son was not in that place. He was lost. He was depressed. He had no clear direction in life. And as his father, all I could really do was guide him. I could not live his life for him. I could not force him to believe in himself. I could not want his future more than he wanted it for himself.
When he was already feeling low, my job was not to push him lower. My job was to be optimistic with him, not for him.
And while I was trying to do that, I was fighting my own battles too.
I think that is something children do not always realize about their parents. Parents are carrying things. Bills. Stress. Fear. Responsibilities. Private disappointments. Problems they do not always talk about because they do not want their children to carry the same weight.
As a father, I always wanted to be like a 7-Eleven to my kids. Always open. Always available. Smiling even when I was tired. Whatever I was dealing with, I wanted them to know that if they needed me, I was there.
But parents get tired too.
Especially parents who have had to grind for everything they have. There is a weight we carry that our children may not fully understand until they become parents themselves. And one of the heaviest questions we carry is whether our children are going to be okay without us.
Will they be responsible? Will they be able to support themselves? Will they find direction? Will they be able to handle life when we are no longer there to help them?
That question lives somewhere in the back of your mind for years.”
READ: Geneva Cruz's son Heaven Arespacochaga gets engaged in the US
The Introvoys founding member shared how proud he was of his only son and how he was able to find the strength to lift himself out of a dark time in his life. This realization affected Paco so much he could not help but shed tears.
He wrote, “I was not crying because my son was in France. I was crying because I realized I was looking at a man who had once been struggling and had now figured out how to stand on his own.
At some point, he understood that I was not going to save him. His mom was not going to save him. His brothers were not going to save him. At some point he had to choose himself. He had to believe he had potential and give that potential a chance.
His faith in God played a part in that. So did his willingness to keep going even when life was heavy. I am sure there were days he did not want to work, days he doubted himself, days he wondered if he was ever going to figure things out. But somehow, he kept moving.
Maybe he also understood something about my own life. I lost my parents young. So maybe he knew there was a certain privilege in still having parents around. Not as an ATM. Not as a rescue plan. But as something deeper. A source of reassurance. A mental “in case of emergency.”
Maybe somewhere in his mind he thought, if my dad could go through life without his parents and still make something of himself, maybe I should take a chance and see what I can do while mine are still here.
And he did.”
READ: Geneva Cruz talks about her son Heaven Arespacochaga: ‘Ayaw niya talagang maging celebrity’
Before ending his post, the 55-year-old artist opened up about his thoughts on fatherhood and how happy he is that Heaven is growing up well.
“That is the thing about parenting. We sacrifice more than our children will probably ever fully know. Time. Money. Sleep. Peace. We worry quietly. We carry fear privately. We make adjustments they never see.
And through all of it, we are betting on our children.
We bet on them to grow. We bet on them to recover. We bet on them to find direction. We bet on them to become responsible. We bet on them to eventually stand on their own.
And if we are lucky, one day we get to witness the payoff.
For me, it was seeing my son in another country with the woman he loves and friends he cares about, laughing and enjoying himself, needing absolutely nothing from me.
And the funny thing is, when our children are young, being needed makes us feel like parents. They need money. Rides. Food. Advice. Help. Everything.
But maybe one of the greatest rewards of being a parent is the day they no longer need you to carry them.
They just still want you in their life.
He did not need anything from me that day.
He just said, ‘I love you, Pops.’
Maybe that is why I cried.
Because after all those years of wondering and worrying, I finally had a moment where I could look at my son and say to myself, he is going to be okay.
And for a parent, maybe there is no greater reward than that.”