Photo from Pexels/Cottonbro StudioThere comes a point in our lives when nothing seems right in our closets. We try on every single piece of clothing, searching for the outfit that gives us the most confidence, yet everything seems lacking. Half of the wardrobe no longer fits correctly, and the other half feels strangely inadequate. Often, this is the beginning of a binge-shopping session. Even then, the new clothes that arrive after a frantic night of adding things to the cart do not seem to hit the spot. Frustration sets in, and in a moment of sadness you realize that it is not just the clothes. The person staring back at you in the mirror feels like a stranger. Same clothes, different person. Somehow too old for anything with the word “micro” on the label, but at the same time too young for orthopedic shoes. You gaze at the mirror and start wondering, “When did this happen? Who is this person wearing my clothes? This can’t be me.” Desperation settles in, and we continue to conform to a society that reveres youth. We keep wearing clothes that feel uncomfortable and foreign to our maturing bodies: the pants that seem a tad tight on the hips even if we weigh the same, the top we can’t seem to fill anymore, or the six-inch heels we literally used to run in. As the day ends, we feel defeated and ask ourselves, “Are the pain, discomfort, and bizarre identity crisis of wearing these clothes really worth it?”
Challenge that inner dialogue
You would be surprised by how many people are unwilling to admit that the physical and mental changes of aging bother them, and that daily rituals such as choosing clothes can become a source of frustration, sadness, and confusion. It is hard to accept that styling a more mature version of ourselves can be jarring. It takes a level of self-acceptance and courage to stand in front of a mirror and not treat every change as a problem to be hidden. Acknowledging the changes in your life can start with the clothes you wear, or the clothes you can no longer wear comfortably. Dressing up is one of the most ordinary things we do every day, which also makes it one of the most intimate. It is often the most obvious and confusing element of aging, but it can also become a catalyst for a better relationship with yourself. Embracing a more mature phase in your life goes hand in hand with letting go and acceptance. Pay careful attention to the words you say to yourself. Challenge the inner dialogue that may come from wanting to comply with societal expectations, avoid disapproving looks, or worry about what other people will say. Self-acceptance requires appreciating the value of the experiences, skills, and physical attributes that life has brought us as we age. This includes unconditionally loving ourselves as we are: choosing to grow out our gray hair, or choosing to color it because we want to, not because we want to be perceived as one of the Gen Zs at work. Self-acceptance begins when we stop continuously seeking external validation and start seeking affirmation from within.
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Dress your age, but define what that means
“Is it time to dress my age?” you ask the person in the mirror. But what does that mean exactly? As fashion has become less limiting and more personal, the statement has become almost meaningless. We are lucky that there are more choices than ever before. Dressing your age is not about being resigned to wearing clothes our parents used to wear. It is about integrating who you are now with who you once were. It can mean giving up that pair of tattered micro jean shorts and flip-flops that you usually pair with a band shirt and replacing them with a sleek pencil skirt that falls right on the knee or just above it, along with a cute pair of kitten heels in the color of the band logo emblazoned on your shirt. After all, it is the band you have a deep affinity for, not the jean shorts. Tasteful and thoughtful changes can elevate and celebrate the person you are now without erasing the person you used to be.
Redefine You
We continue to view ourselves through the lens of the person we used to be, and so we see a stranger. This is not a bad thing at all. It simply means that our views and perspectives have changed. We have separated our sense of worth from the expectations of youth, and we now look at life and people in a much deeper way. We just need to learn to see ourselves the same way. Seeing ourselves the way we see others means appreciating beyond outer appearance and focusing on meaningful experiences, passion, strength, and purpose. This perspective opens the door to dressing up in the morning with the quiet knowledge that people will remember what you say, the value you bring, and the life you have lived more than the label on your dress or the height of your heels. It can be liberating to feel this way. It bridges the disconnect as you face yourself in the mirror and recognize that style is not meant to prove that time has not passed. Style can also prove that time has deepened you.
A Gentle Edit
Appreciating ourselves in every life stage means being able to look at our closets and see both the items of value we want to keep and the pieces that no longer fit how we want to move into the next phase of life. Clothes carry memory. A dress can hold the laughter of a night out with dear friends. A blazer can remember the version of you who walked into an interview pretending not to be nervous. A pair of shoes can still contain a milestone, a heartbreak, a celebration, or a small ordinary day that turned out to matter. As you organize and prioritize your closet, allow gratitude to soften the process. Discarding what no longer serves you is not the same as rejecting who you were. Keeping only what reflects the person you affirm to be is an act of clarity. It is the gentle editing of a life, choosing what still belongs in the next chapter.
READ ALSO: Dopamine Dressing: How style can lift the spirit
Dressing toward who we are becoming
Your style journey can be the beginning of your quest toward self-acceptance. Your closet holds the memory of who you used to be, and it can bring you closer to who you are now. Your style changes as you change, but your value remains despite the clothes you wear. The body may soften, shift, expand, or become unfamiliar in ways you did not expect. The face in the mirror may carry lines that were not there before. The clothes may ask to be reconsidered. But none of these things mean you have disappeared. Maybe the real work is not to dress like our younger selves, but to dress with tenderness toward the selves we are becoming. Maybe we do not need to force our bodies back into the life we outgrew just to prove that we are still worthy of being seen. We can open the closet, touch the fabrics, remember the person we have been, and still choose the person standing here today. Not as a compromise. Not as a surrender. But as an arrival.
If today’s conversation resonated with you and you’d like to explore the topic further, you may connect with mental health coach Zarah Hernaez through her Instagram account via direct message.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
ZARAH R. HERNAEZ is a mental health advocate and US Certified Mental Health First Aider from the National Council for Behavioral Health, Washington DC, USA and a certified Positive Psychology and Well-Being Coach from the Stanford School of Medicine. She is also the founder of The Wellnest PH, a Mental Health Advocacy dedicated to creating a safe space and giving assistance to those going through mental health concerns in the Philippines. (Photo courtesy of Zarah Hernaez)
Thumbnail and main photo from Pexels/Cottonbro Studio.